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Friday, August 23, 2013

The bottom is officially falling out

The Movie Report

Film Flam Flummox

And now... the bottom is officially falling out.

One of the unfortunate aspects of navigating in my particular business is that you have to put on airs--not necessarily to look successful or better, but the only way anyone will pay any attention or give you any mind is to have that appearance of security. Honestly confess how things aren't going well, and that you do sincerely need help, and suddenly the audience turns a blind eye and deaf ear. And I realize with this, I'm probably shutting off the senses of many more than I already have...

When my father passed away from cancer in 2006, he left behind a legacy of debt, not only in the financial sense, but also then leaving me to inherit my older brother, whom for whatever reason had settled into the position of layabout shut-in. I had hoped that with now both of our parents gone (my mother suddenly passed of an aortic aneurysm in 2004), this would be a motivating factor in him finally doing something with himself and living his own life. Benefit of the doubt the first year or two, as I shouldered the load of taking care of the expenses and chiseling away at those financial debts as there was a slight safety cushion in a cache of savings bonds my father left for us, and I thought my brother would have the sense that this was a finite resource, and that it was there to keep heads barely above water while he actively looked for work, any work--being a barely high school graduate, there was no room for pride--and the necessary side benefit of him actually getting to know people aside from me. Meanwhile, I took additional gigs here and there in various areas, for people I both know and respect and those I barely knew, to supplement the admittedly modest income that an independent one-man media operation generates. Anyone who knows me knows I never put on an air that I'm "balling" in any sense... I'm not a snappy dresser, have the bare minimum when it comes to gadgets and such (just that which I need for my basic productivity)

But years passed, and worse case scenario emerges, and my brother's savings is blown, leading me to have to dig into my cache. I made the necessary cutbacks to my every day (not for nothing have people noticed my weight loss--definitely a product of a largely 1 ramen packet a day "diet"), tried to be encouraging to my brother to find some work, as I then shouldered all the expenses from the utilities, what limited food budget there is, the debt legacy, and the home property taxes. All the while, hoping that my brother would realize the strain I was going through, not merely financially but psychologically. I never signed up to have an older 40-plus-year-old "son"...

Long story short, almost 7 years since my dad's passing, I've managed to somehow sustain on what I make through the site and the steady side gigs (some of which have come and gone) and chipping away at the debts, but as lean times endure, sometimes you have to either put things to the side or not make the minimum payments as some expenses (i.e., electricity and water, plus the monthly transit pass and the web hosting to keep my bread and butter functioning) take basic precedence. But eventually things come back to bite you and the chickens come home to roost, etc., etc. ... and so today, Thursday, August 22, 2013, I get a notice that I need to come up with $450 within 10 days for back property taxes. Factoring in the utility/Internet/transit expenses (food, as usual, becomes a luxury to be sacrificed) once I get an anticipated direct deposit in the next couple of days, I'll have $150 to go toward this to pay in time. And so... trying to raise $300 by a week from today, Thursday, August 29, 2013, to allow for the necessary time for funds transfer to my bank account to make the payment.

So, that all said... any help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

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